This was found on another blog, to see the writers original post visit http://www.prayingthemhome.blogspot.com/
It really has struck home for me, if I had to think in lines of how I would answer these challenging questions I do not think I could have said it better. Kudos.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007 Survivor's Guilt... That's what they call it when something tragic happens and everyone else dies, but you are left to survive. Many times it comes with the big question, "why me"? At some point, most parents who's children are born in 3rd world countries deal with this same feeling. "Why me"? "Why not his/her birth parents"?
Anita, who has 3 internationally adopted children, is addressing this issue on her blog today. What are we, as adoptive parents, doing to eliminate the orphan crisis? How can we help to keep children with their first families? By choosing adoption, are we perpetuating poverty? What do we "owe" to our children and their first families? "International adoption is not the answer. It won't stop poverty. It won't stop children from becoming orphans. It won't stop AIDS. It is a stop-gap method of giving a handful of the world's most vulnerable children permanency, care, and love". Anita I have to admit, when Peanut first came home, I really, really struggled with guilt. I would rock her at night and the tears would roll down my cheeks. I didn't understand why God would choose her to leave her family in Guatemala to live with us. Why had we been so blessed? Why not them?The bitter truth is that adoption is a loss. Because of our wanting to add to our family, someone else had to experience the greatest loss on earth. The loss of their child.And that truth hurts. Deeply.But by recognizing and acknowledging that very truth, I believe we can begin to heal and accept what is. The reality that we have been called to be part of triangle filled with pain, and yet a triangle of blessing. "International adoption helps to alleviate the orphan crisis. But what are we doing to help eliminate it? It has to go beyond international adoption and supporting international adoption programs. We must go deeper. We've gotta go where it hurts to go and ask ourselves how we could have helped to keep our own adopted children with their original families. If you could step back in time would you do that for your child?" Anita The honest truth is, if there had been some way for me to personally "save" Peanut's family, I would have. With all my heart, I would have. It's my honest belief that each child deserves that. And in a perfect world that might have been an option.But our world is not perfect. People are not perfect. Families are not perfect. We're all human and we're all sinful.Sin.Destruction.I love Peanut, with all my being. She is so much a part of my soul that I cannot think of my life without her. And in Guatemala, my Peanut has another family. One that had their reasons for choosing adoption for her. A family that I choose to believe, loves her still. Could we have done something to keep her with her first family? By welcoming her into our family, are we participants in the cycle of poverty?Hard questions. My thoughts are so often tangled.There was nothing we could have done that would have kept Peanut with her first family. Yes, we could have sent the money we used to adopt Peanut, to a charity working in Guatemala. But the fact is, money doesn't address the heart of the issue. Human sin. All the money in the world can't stop the evil and the hurt. Any missionary will tell you that. Until Heaven we aren't going to see the perfection that God intended for His creation. And in the meantime, children need families.And by accepting that fundamental truth, doors open. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress". James 1:27.We live in a deeply fallen and broken world. One where families are caught in poverty and despair. One in which families are forced into heart-wrenching decisions. Decisions that should not have to be made, but decisions that are being made.Children are dying.And I can't ignore that.Every day thousands and thousands of children go to bed hungry. Thousands are left as true orphans. Thousands need the immediate answer of adoption into a family that wants a child and is able to welcome a child with arms wide open. Adoption may be these children's only hope here on earth.Yes, it's a horrible truth. But also one of great blessing. God chooses to use us to bless each other. To help each other. We are not created to be islands. We need each other.I believe it's no accident that after adoption, time and time again I see adoptive families first in line to reach out. To work in missions. To give to charities. To sponsor children around the world. They have seen poverty and it's devastating claws first hand in the lives of their babies. They are unable to just sit by and un-see what they've seen. Is that part of the plan? Maybe.
To open our hearts to what we can do.That is what we owe our children and the families that offered them life.What are your thoughts on this? Please. Share.